As Valentine’s Day threatens to rear its confetti-dazzled head once more, it’s easy to forget that romantic relationships are far from the be-all and end-all of young adult life. In a world that often pits women against one another, strong female friendships stand as a profound act of resistance. These bonds are more than just emotional connections; they comprise vital support systems and evolutionary mechanisms that help women navigate the world around them. From gossip to guardianship, the ways women care for each other reveal a remarkable legacy of historical and cultural solidarity that continues to thrive today.
Of course, romance has its charm. Starting new romantic relationships can be exciting and challenging; while they reveal parts of yourself you didn’t know existed, they can simultaneously affirm the values and perspectives you hold most dear. Similarly, long-term relationships have great appeal, as they promise a reliable kind of reassurance and familiarity and often bring a sense of calm to the hustle and bustle of daily life. Partners are brilliant and it’s no wonder Valentine’s Day, with all its sugar, flowers, and comically oversized teddy bears, is such a popular holiday amidst the rainy grey gloom of February.
But love is not defined through romantic relationships alone, and as the epidemic of violence against women continues to proliferate in the UK, it is important to reflect on the beauty and genius of platonic friendships between women.
Throughout history, female friendships have provided an invaluable basis for protecting and empowering women. Though women are often negatively associated with the word “gossip” and the notion of pointlessly broadcasting unproven and over-exaggerated rumours, gossip is not and has never been a trivial matter. Historically speaking, gossip has been a tool for survival and community building. During the Middle Ages, the word gossip (originally ‘godsibb’ meaning ‘sponsor at baptism/godparent’ in Old English) evolved to describe women who supported other women during childbirth. But even before it found a name, in tight-knit societies, women exchanged ‘gossip’ and information as a way to keep one another informed about potential threats, unreliable individuals, and resources that could benefit the group. When the MeToo Movement took off in 2017, women were emboldened by conversations they had had with one another online and in person, as women of all walks of life came together to raise awareness about the prevalence of sexual violence, which has been estimated by the World Health Organization to affect one third of all women worldwide.
Indeed, throughout the ages, communication between women has served as a social radar, helping us build alliances, avoid danger, and create networks of mutual trust.
Archives are limited in their capacity to reveal the everyday workings and conversations between women, because for much of history, women’s stories and experiences have not been valued as highly, and thus recorded as carefully or frequently, as men’s. Yet in journals, letters, religious records, and other private sources we can find innumerable traces of women supporting and uplifting each other. In 1807, 16 year old Sarah Connell confided in her diary: “friendship! Mysterious cement of the soul, I owe thee much; thou has deserved from me, far, far, beyond what I can ever pay”. More than two hundred years later, her sentiment was echoed by 25 year old, Julia Antenucci, who told Healthline in 2019 that:
I’ve never felt as capable of being myself…than when I’m around these women…It’s beautiful to know that no matter where I am in the world…there are these women that truly know me, love and support me.”
Sarah and Julia share at least one defining value: their appreciation for their female friends. As the Women’s Officer for my college, I have watched with immense pride and affection as women have given each other advice, made each other laugh, held each other accountable, and expressed their vulnerabilities, hopes, and fears together. I have seen women call out the behaviour of other women’s partners, flagging controlling or manipulative behaviours that might otherwise slip under the radar. I have seen women dissect their feelings and the feelings of others with profound empathy and maturity, and I have seen them push each other out of their comfort zones, always in the interest of enriching another woman’s life. I see the beauty of female friendships in every “text me when you get home” message that flashes on my screen, every time a group of girls invite another girl to dance with them when they can tell the guy edging closer to her is making her uncomfortable, every lent lip balm and donated tampon, and in every nod of encouragement in a room full of men.
Female friendships aren’t just about social connection and surviving the daily impracticalities of a world designed for men, nor are they solely valuable for their protective features. Female friendships are a source of strength, empowerment and understanding. They are complex and dynamic, sometimes they are difficult and require significant energy to maintain, but they are always worth their weight in the deep sense of understanding, belonging, and acceptance through all of life’s ups and downs that they provide. Especially around this infamously romantic time of year, it may be easy to devalue female friendships because they are countercultural to a patriarchal system. They affirm that women have the ability to love and be loved, to be complete and happy, without traditional romance.
So, celebrate and cherish your female friendships, make time and space to see the women in your life that you care about, and relish in the knowledge that your female friendships keep you safe, happy, and healthy. Your female friendships will keep you going – treasure them.
This article is a tribute to all my dear friends, happy Galentine’s!
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